Here's something other than

I need to get some thoughts out or my heads gonna explode. Well, since you're here, and I'm here, I guess I'll just let it all hang out.

I want to know how to define "real". The word, when sung to the tune of your typical pseudo-cleric/just-plain-ol'-Christian-person carries the weight of a million woes. I mean, I know my woes now (thank you Luke), and I'm teetering on the brink of many. What makes a Christian "real"? I'm there. I think. I hope. Pray.

I live in a third-world country. The kind of place where empty smiles don't carry much weight. The poor, addicted, hungry, disease-stricken and soon-to-be murdered are within the half-mile. I'm consequently living in the light of inexplicable mercy and grace that's pushing love like it's the next ipod. Here in the plane of coexistence I'm feeling heavy. I want to love for "real". Like Jesus did.

Feel pretty certain that I'm hardly capable of it. I get it in rain drops, but I'm looking for more of a flood-gate kind of thing. I want the heart of Christ. This one feels broken.

There's my prayer on giga-paper, chock full of hyphens and the word "I".

Amen.